How to practice self-compassion
“We are woven into a world that teaches us to measure our worth by unattainable standards, crafted by societal expectations and the relentless gaze of the media. We learn to be our own harshest critics, believing that perfection is our only path to acceptance. Yet, the journey to self-compassion feels like an act of quiet rebellion, a gentle defiance against everything we’ve been taught. It is a tender unlearning, a challenge to embrace ourselves with the kindness we so readily offer others, and in doing so, rediscover our true strength.— Jo
Foundations of Self-Compassion
I was first introduced to the concept of self-compassion and prominent researcher Kristin Neff when studying for my Master's in Social Work.
Neff’s research indicates that self-compassion can lead to a range of benefits including reduced anxiety, depression, and stress. It enhances emotional resilience and promotes overall mental health by providing a healthier way to cope with life’s difficulties. Whilst some believe it may lead to complacency or a lack of motivation, Neff argues it helps people face challenges more effectively and motivates them by providing a supportive inner voice.
3 components of self-compassion
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Self-Kindness
Self-kindness involves treating yourself with warmth and understanding rather than harsh self-criticism. It means being gentle with yourself during times of failure, mistakes, or difficulties. Instead of berating yourself for perceived shortcomings, self-kindness promotes a supportive and nurturing attitude. It’s about recognising that everyone has flaws and makes errors, and extending the same compassion to yourself that you would offer to a loved one in a similar situation. This approach helps to soften the inner critic and fosters a more positive and constructive self-dialogue.
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Common Humanity
Common humanity is the recognition that suffering, failure, and imperfection are part of the universal human experience. It involves acknowledging that no one is alone in their struggles; everyone encounters difficulties and has their own challenges. By understanding that these experiences are shared among all people, individuals can feel less isolated in their pain and more connected to others. This perspective helps to reduce feelings of shame and isolation, as it shifts the focus from personal inadequacy to the collective nature of human experience.
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Mindfulness
Mindfulness, in the context of self-compassion, involves maintaining a balanced awareness of your emotions and experiences without becoming overwhelmed or over-identifying with them. It means being present with your feelings and acknowledging them without judgment. Rather than suppressing or denying negative emotions, mindfulness encourages you to observe them with openness and acceptance. This balanced approach helps prevent excessive rumination or self-criticism and allows for a more compassionate response to your own struggles. By staying mindful, you can engage with your emotions in a way that is more understanding and less reactive.
Building Self-Compassion
The journey to self-compassion can be challenging but transformative. Deeply ingrained feelings of self-loathing and shame often lead to constant self-criticism, doubt, and a sense of unworthiness, creating a cycle of self-sabotage that hinders your ability to live a fulfilling life. Many women struggle with these negative emotions, which can permeate every aspect of life, affecting relationships, work, and overall wellbeing.
Building self-compassion means learning to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. It involves recognising your inherent worth and embracing your imperfections. While this journey is not easy, it is essential to acknowledge these feelings and seek the support needed to cultivate self-compassion.
If you're struggling with feelings of self-loathing and shame and seeking ways to build self-compassion, I am here to support you. Together, we can develop a personalised plan that helps you recognise your inherent worth and embrace your imperfections. Self-compassion is possible, and it starts with taking the first step towards self-kindness.